Ashamed
by nekluvshp
Summary: He is ashamed. I will bury his shame with my love and make him forget. I promise.
1. Gaara

He is ashamed.

He doesn't have to tell me, I can see it on his face. The way he doesn't look at me as I suck his cock. His head is turned away and his eyes are closed as if looking down at me would be a sin.

When I am inside him, he doesn't move or make a sound for fear of being caught. Even now as I try to bring him to completion, his hips don't move in abondon trying to force himself deeper into my mouth. The pain I can read on his face tells me that he doesn't even want the pleasure I'm bringing him. Coming would just solidify the supposed wrongness of our relationship.

I understand where His shame is coming from. Two men being together is not something that people tolerate, especially in the shinobi world.

Mission sex is ok, its something entirely different. It is used purely as a physical release and to relieve stress after difficult missions. I am sure he has been a participant in some sort of sexual activity during his own missions, although I was the first to take him, the first he trusted to take him.

*

My Lee.

You are strong, kind, and caring my love. Why are you ashamed of being with me?

I am not ashamed of us and yet time and time again I agree to this mockery of love making. We meet in places where only the lowest of people come to do their business. I don't enjoy this but here I am, on my knees in this disgusting alley for you, always for you.

You drag me to these places to be with you but you do not participate beyond letting me touch you. How conflicted you must feel, wanting me so badly and knowing how people would react if they knew about this, about us.

You don't have to worry though. I will protect you, with my life if I must. No one will harm you with me by your side and if they do, they will die. I never want to see you hurt again. I may have been the cause and I may have almost killed you but when I think back on it now, it pains me to know how badly I hurt you. I'm sorry.

Why do I agree to this? Why have I not ended it? I am the Kazekage. There are many people that would gladly be my lover but none of them are you, Lee. None of them are you.

I love you. I know you love me too.

Love, we both know that is a concept I still do not fully understand. I fear I never will.

I love Temari and Kankuro, but they are my siblings. That is a different kind of love. You taught me that Lee. You taught that the love for a brother is different than the love for a friend or for a lover or even for your favorite food. I'm still not sure how you can love food. You can help me to understand that as well.

Lee, am I going to show you there is nothing to be ashamed of. I promise you, you will never feel this way again. I am going to make love to you in your bed here in Konoha and in my bed in Suna, until it is our bed and our home that you speak of.

*

I have been thinking too much and not paying attention to what I'm doing. I know how much it pains him for me to do this, take too long.

I have decided. I am going to take him back to his home and show him what he means to me. I'll make him weep and want to show me what I mean to him. He will never be afraid of us again after today.

Before I can change my mind, I release his cock and tuck him back into his pants. He looks at me in confusion.

I caress the back of his neck and lean in to kiss him. This is the only time he ever moves. His kisses are wonderful and perfect. I can never have enough of them.

My free hand searches for his and our fingers link together as his other hand moves to tangle in my hair.

The need for air comes and much sooner than I'd like, I am pulling my lips off his. Lee's eyes are half closed and he looks content. I lean my forehead on his.

"I love you."

He stiffens before he replys, "I know."

Its always the same. He never says it back but I know he feels the same. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me from across the room and hear it in his voice when he says my name. Its only fear that prevents him from saying it. He will say it before long. I will make him.

I take his other hand and lead him toward the end of the alley. His grip tightens and he begins to sweat. I let go as we approach the busy street.

We walk in silence toward our destination, which to him is unknown. He will know soon eoough.

Lee's eyes widen as we reach his apartment building. He looks at me to voice his confusion but I silence him with a small shake of my head.

I take him to his bedroom once we're inside.

As I sit on the edge of his bed, I pull him down to straddle my lap. His mouth opens to speak but I swallow his words with a long, breathtaking kiss. I could drown in his kiss.

It was barely there, but I heard it. A small sound in the back of his throat, trying to make itself known. With renewed vigor, I plunder his mouth with my tongue as I lay him down.

I will bury his shame with my love and make him forget.

I promise.


	2. Lee

I am ashamed.

I can not even look at him and I feel worse because of it. His tongue does such wicked things to me and it feels amazing. I want to look at him, to tell let him know the pleasure he brings me, but I am afraid.

I never look at him when we make love, never make a sound, and my movements are minimal. If someone were to discover our relationship, I do not know what I would do. I need him now but it is wrong for us to be together.

My body betrays me. Its wants him so badly, wants him to make me come but I do not. That would make it much worse but I know it will happen soon. It always happens. I always give in to him.

He is the Kazekage, the greatest shinobi in all of Suna. I am a lowly chuunin. He deserves someone who can match his skills. He deserves a woman who can bear the children he will someday want. I can not give him any of those things, no matter how much I want to.

*

My Gaara.

I bring you to these horrid places so we can be together without the eyes of our comrades finding us. Just imagine what they would think of us is they knew, the looks they would give us.

It hurts knowing you are there on your knees of this alley when we should be in a bed, my bed or your bed... our bed.

I am not good enough for you and I never will be. What if you find someone stronger than I am? You could have any woman or even any man you want.

Why me? What is so special about me? I can not even use ninjutsu or genjutsu. You have power other shinobi could only dream of ever having. I have to work for mine and kills me inside because I know I will never be strong enough, never be fast enough, never be good enough.

If only you knew how these doubts hurt me. But even your strength and power could not save me from the pain. When you almost killed me did not hurt as much as this. Only your love can make it stop. But how long will you love me?

I know you love me, no matter how hard it is for you to understand. I love you too but still, I am afraid.

I have never had anyone to love me until Gai sensei and now you love me too. It over whelms me still that you could possibly love someone like me, someone so weak.

How long will you stay with me? How long until you grow tired me or find a woman that can give you what you will eventually want and need for your life to feel complete? Will your visits become shorter and farther apart until you've forgotten me completely?

Gaara, I need you now and forever. What if you can not give forever ever? I love you and trust you with my life. I could not bare it if you left me alone.

So many questions and what ifs run through my mind. It scares me that I have no answer for them. This adds to my shame.

There is nothing about me that is interesting or special. It feels as if I am keeping you from someone that is stronger, smarter, and better for you than me. I do not like living and know that that person could take you away from me at any time.

Now I am just being selfish.

I am sorry but I want you for myself, to hide you away where no one can find you. But I can not do that. You have every right to leave me for someone that is worthy of your love and affection. I can not keep you from that, no matter how much I want to.

Please gaara, I need to know that you will stay with me, please.

*

I look down at him when I feel his mouth release me cock. I watch as he tucks me back into my pants. I am confused. I have not come yet. Why did he stop?

He does not say anything. He just puts his hand on my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. I can not help but to respond. No matter how hard I try, I can not deny myself this one simple pleasure.

I reach for his hair as his hand takes mine and our fingers link.

I am getting light headed from the lack of air. I do not want to let go but his lips leave mine and they feel lonely.

I watch him through my half closed eyes. I know what he is going to say. I can already hear then words in my head. Then his lips move and its almost as if they are moving in slow motion.

"I love you."

I feel myself tense up before I answer. "I know." I can not say it back, not yet. Not until I know that I will be his forever but I show him in other ways, the way I look at him when we are not alone and the way I speak his name. He knows I love him without saying it but it will not always be enough. He will want to hear it spill past my lips.

His hand leaves my neck and he is now holding both of them, almost cradling them. Then he pulls me towards the crowded street. I held his hands tighter and felt sweat cling to my eye lashes. Is he really going to tell everyone like this?

Gaara's hand let go of mine as we walk out of the alley. I immediately wish he had not let go. I never want him to stop touching me.

I do not know where we are and I do not ask. I will know before long.

I can not believe where he is taking me. I look at him and want to ask him why but he shakes his head. I will know when he tells me.

Gaara immediately leads me to my own bedroom the moment I closed the door behind me. Now I know why we are here and I am afraid.

I watch him sit down on my bed before he pulls me onto his lap. I try to speak but he kisses me and I can not remember what I wanted to say. His kiss does that to me.

I unintentionally let a small noise out and I know he heard it. How could he not when I have never made a sound before?

Now he is laying me down underneath him. I am still ashamed and afraid but if what he plans to do helps me, then I will just have to trust him.

A/N: I was wondering if anyone would like to see more of this story. I have two more chapter ideas but I'm not going to write them unless asked.


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